I started getting "migraines"on the regular shortly after I turned 40 a few minutes ago. I had also started running to join H in a race (but not really join since he was nearly done with that race before I started) so of course I told myself that I shouldn't run because that was clearly the cause. It wasn't. 2+ years later, specialists, tracking, medication, etc. and I still get them and don't have something that "cures" them in the moment. About 2 a month. I don't like to call them migraines for some reason. I think they're tension headaches. I don't want to be labeled.
Anyways, I have one right now. Started last night when I went to bed early because I had stayed up beyond too late the night before, a very rare occurrence these days. Was dull but not going away. Meds were not touching it. Got worse throughout the night and by the time I got up this morning, I knew a day at the office was not in the cards. I will work today. I am not sure how long I will last. I am stressed at the amount that "needs" to get done and the constant feeling of being behind. But that's for another post.
This is where the grateful comes in:
- I was able to make a decision.
- I was able to make a decision that I wasn't going to go into the office today.
- I was able to go in to the office, get my stuff, and come home.
In the daily life of privilege I lead, I don't always remember the grateful. I try, but it doesn't always happen with the logistics and scheduling and rescheduling and mapping of responsibilities in our family, most of which still fall on the older two of us.
I am so lucky to have a job, a boss, colleagues, finances, location, partner, and the trust of others to make todays like this possible. Headaches suck. I am so lucky.
I am also grateful for the lovely MTA employee on the subway platform that shared a good morning smile with me on the way into the office and recognized me on the way back just 20 minutes later and acknowledged me again. "What are you doing back? Did you forget something?" Yes, yes I did.