Fruit in my dessert

links for 2010-04-26

• On ‘Friday Night Lights’ the Other Side of the Tracks - NYTimes.com
  If you don't already watch, you should.
• When anything bad happens, I blame Apple | dooce®
  I read all of dooce's posts, and I enjoy every single one, but this one made me realize what a good decision it is to have banned iPads from our home...okay, at least until the 2nd generation comes out :)
• The Way We Live Now - The Fat Trap - NYTimes.com
  interesting commentary and something I have thought a lot about, as a mom - of a boy, and now, a girl.

high school graduation

Maybe it's because I'm attempting to plan a 15-year high school reunion that this is the analogy that comes to mind, but what I'm really talking about is the moments that are left for our family of three to be a family of three. I could not be more excited to become a family of four, about the unknowns, the adventures ahead, the relationships that will blossom within our family, between our children, the bonds that will form. Heck, I'm even excited for the fights and the chaos that will ensue at times. But, it's bittersweet too. It's been a hell of a two point four years as a family of three. We've had such a blast and could not be more in love with each other. I look back with so much joy at all of it: the good, the bad, and the ugly, though most of it, like 99.9%, has just been amazing.

I feel like it's the end of August before everyone left for their different post-high school destinations. Every night in a parking lot we'd gather to wish someone else well on their journey, give hugs, contact information, last notes and letters reminding each other of all the memories we shared. For the last couple of weeks, and even more in the last couple of days, I think as we squeeze into the bathroom for bath time, or sit at the table eating dinner, or play ball for the seventh hour in a row in the living room or at the playground, that this could be the last time, the last time we do it as a family of three, in this way, and well, I know it's going to get even better, but it also makes me a bit verklempt. I'm going to miss this, just like, sometimes, I still miss high school.

links for 2010-03-15

• A Look Inside New York’s Most Infamous Juvenile Prison, Tryon -- New York Magazine
  One of many pieces of what I want to be when I grow up, and the things I want to help fix.
• Bill Maher: New Rule: Let's Not Fire the Teachers When Students Don't Learn -- Let's Fire the Parents
  Oversimplified and crass, but there's a lot of there there.
• Corner Office - Kip Tindell - Three Good Workers Equal One Who’s Great - Interview - NYTimes.com
  leadership is communication...and so much more.

anywhere

Yesterday afternoon, B and I had several minutes to watch a TiVoed episode of The Amazing Race. Okay, I watched the whole thing and he watched much of it while he took turns packing for his trip to SXSW, cuddling with me, and becoming the fifth member of a marching band in our apartment.

Over the years, B and I have often fantasized about being participants on the show. With my navigational abilities and his strength and agility, we would most certainly be top contenders - even (or maybe especially) if they revived the failed Family version of the show.

The couple that was sent home in the episode we watched yesterday was a grandmother/granddaughter pair. As they walked off into the rest of their lives, the granddaughter said, "so what's the next adventure?" to which the grandmother replied, "I'll go anywhere with you." I nearly cried. Okay, there were a few tears. Just a lovely unscripted moment on what I think is the best reality TV out there. It's also exactly how I feel about B. And, it's the best feeling in the world.

Maybe we should sign up to try to get on the show. We might need to wait a bit, unless they bring back an infant and toddler version of the show.

links for 2010-03-10

• Inside Pre-K
  For those of you who wonder what I do or why I do it or why it really doesn't matter if Henry gets into our favorite preschool today. Listen to the audio if you can.

links for 2010-03-09

• Lessons From Frogs - Motherlode Blog - NYTimes.com
  I'm not sure I buy the oversimplified premise, but I'm sure glad I kissed the frog I did.

links for 2010-03-01

• Corner Office - Tachi Yamada and the Importance of Undivided Attention - Question - NYTimes.com
  smart, succinct Q&A with very valuable management tips
• Modern Love - A Family Label, Ungarbled - NYTimes.com
  close enough (but not quite) to my own vision of myself that it made me tear up. i love the way the NYT can make me feel all sorts of things.
• The Way We Live Now - Class Dismissed - NYTimes.com
  I can't decide quite how I feel about this, except that I disagree that removing senior year is the solution. Some reasons for this are lack of social maturity at younger ages, and related adolescent development concerns, in addition to the concept that if something isn't working well, maybe we should try to fix it or change it before getting rid of it.

nothing to do with math

Seriously? I frequently read articles that make me upset or make me want to at least write a blog post, but then, more often than not, I don't write something, mostly because I'm afraid of sounding like the opinionated, judgmental person that I am, and it would take too long to write something that sounds well written and well thought out, and even though only two people read this blog, I want to sound good, and I don't want to be judged back. Well, today, I'm writing.

Yesterday, the New York Times had an article in the Sunday Style section (perhaps the only plus I'll give it is that it was in the Styles section), called The New Math on Campus: When women outnumber men at a college, dating culture is skewed. The source of this problem, it seems, is simple: "women tend to have higher grades; men tend to drop out in disproportionate numbers; and female enrollment skews higher among older students, low-income students, and black and Hispanic students." And kudos to the (male) reporter of the story for so respectfully recognizing the upside to this for a moment: "In terms of academic advancement, this is hardly the worst news for women — hoist a mug for female achievement. And certainly, women are primarily in college not because they are looking for men, but because they want to earn a degree." But, at least for the women in this article, that last statement doesn't appear to hold true.

The article goes on to quote young women, academically successful women, stating obvious things like how, in addition to outnumbering the men, so many of the men available are not worthy, so the pool from which to choose is actually even smaller than it seems. The following quote was the clincher for me:

“A lot of my friends will meet someone and go home for the night and just hope for the best the next morning,” Ms. Lynch said. “They’ll text them and say: ‘I had a great time. Want to hang out next week?’ And they don’t respond.”

Even worse, “Girls feel pressured to do more than they’re comfortable with, to lock it down,” Ms. Lynch said.

As for a man’s cheating, “that’s a thing that girls let slide, because you have to,” said Emily Kennard, a junior at North Carolina. “If you don’t let it slide, you don’t have a boyfriend.”

Really? Are we still here? Are we still, as a species, more worried about finding the right guy - at the young age of 18 - and so fearful that we won't that we're willing to be quoted in the New York Times saying things like this? Is this only a Western idea? And can we really blame men for keeping us down and holding us back and keeping that glass ceiling in place when we take something like being the majority of college educated people in this country and turn it into a weakness? Are most women still going to college with the ultimate goal of finding their husband and not getting an education and a degree? Can we draw a line between these attitudes and a future generation of embarrassed wives a la Sanford, Edwards, Woods, and countless, nameless others? Or is that going too far? When and how are we going to teach women to respect and worry about themselves as much as and more than the way we do about men and the love and affection we may or may not receive from them?

I know my questions aren't all really questions, but it's the only way I could get some of this out without losing my mind. And I am fully aware that in today's world I am considered one of the very luckiest of women, with a husband (who I did not meet in college) who makes the self-respect thing easier than most, with a family (his and mine) who (mostly) consider us equals, and support our "shared parenting" lifestyle, but when is that not going to be considered lucky?

I'm going to go do my best to do my part...raising a white male to know and understand that he is going to be given privileges because of his race and his gender for the rest of his life, but he must know why and to do his part to make that not the future for his kids or theirs. And, if #2 is a girl, the work will likely be harder, but I'll start by hoping she never feels compelled to be part of (or worse, write) an article like this.

fuzzy math

1. Me = too hard on Me

2. B = too hard on B

3. Me = too hard on B

4. B = NOT hard on Me

Would like to solve all four equations, but trying to change #4 to look more like #3 has proved wholly ineffective. I really need to figure out the key to changing the #3 (and #2 and #1, and yes, in that order) so they all look like #4. Luckily, I don't think H figures (directly) into these equations yet.

And, for the record, this post has been in my head for a long time. This is not a current current event.

not to brag

I don't want to make anyone jealous or jinx myself, but tonight was the second night in a row that H allowed me to participate in story time before bed. He almost cuddled up next to me on the couch this morning while we "read" his Playmobil catalog together too.

Overanalyzer that I am, I'm trying to figure out why and to what I can attribute this behavior. Was it the extra work hours I put in this week that kept me away from him for more time than usuaul? The pre-preschool switch in the routine? I might attribute tonight to the fact that - for the first time ever - I bought him a book in the store just because he asked for it...for no reason or occasion, and even though I knew it was way more money there than online or in the library. Someone left a children's book on top of the adult paperbacks near the front of the store and it happened to have H's name in the title, so I picked it up and read it to myself and thought it was lovely. H then asked that I read it to him and he sat rapt with attention, not forcing me to turn the pages more quickly or grabbing the book for himself or even moving at all. And, then when I finished, he asked me to read it again. It was time to go, I said (we were on our way out when the book caught my eye in the first place). And, then, I don't know what came over me, but I said, "do you want to buy this book?" At first, he looked at me with a very confused expression, and a moment later, "I want to buy it." After asking B if that was a dumb idea and him saying probably (because he knows how I feel about these things, not because of his own opinion on the matter), and H saying again, "I want to buy it," this time with a bit more insistence, I walked us over to the cashier and bought the book and handed it to H. After saying "please," to mean thank you and then saying, "thank you," he said, "I hold the book," very proudly, and it was all worth it. And I've almost convinced myself that it was okay to buy a 2-year-old a book that is essentially about a boy liking a girl in his class. At least, for now, H likes me enough to let me read it to him.