When I was pregnant, and since I've had HD, so many people, other moms, dads, grandparents, have asked me, "could you ever imagine you could love someone so much?" And, even though sometimes I've said no, deep down my answer has always been yes. I could imagine it. I could feel it before he was here, before I even knew I was going to have him. I am intensely in love with a few members of my biological and chosen family. What I didn't imagine before HD was part of my life, was how much I would like him. I have so much fun playing with him, talking to him, singing with him, and just hanging out with him. From the moment I met him, I truly thought he was the coolest kid I'd ever met.
He reminded me again last night when he woke at four am and couldn't get himself back to sleep. I'm not sure if it was teeth or gas or just that he needed some love, but I went in and rubbed his back over the side of the crib for a few moments, which usually puts him right back to sleep, but last night, every time I took my hand off his back, he would crane his neck around to see if I was still there, and when he saw that I was, he would smile and put his head back down. I decided to be my softer self and laid down next to the crib and put my hand on his back through the slats. After a few moments, I tried to sneak out, even though his eyes were wide open, but he sat up and cried as if to tell me he wasn't going to go to sleep without me. He may have been "playing me" but I didn't care. I brought him down to the couch and we cuddled up together. He laid sideways with his head on his blankie on my chest and most of his almost-one-year-old body hanging off of me, and then he just looked up at me and smiled that perfect smile that could convince me to vote for John McCain if he wanted it to. And then, he went to sleep. All I could think about is how much, even at five in the morning (an hour had gone by), I really like him. And what better alarm clock could I have had this morning than HD crawling up my body and face to look out the window behind the couch? Hopefully, we'll both remember this mutual admiration when he's a teenager...or a two-year-old.
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