Yesterday
3:30am: Work with BH to figure out what is ailing HD, if anything. Go back and forth between HD's room and our room with and without HD to try to help him back to sleep. In between crying jags, he crawls on our faces and tries to climb up the headboard (more on that later) and giggles. Is he playing us or himself or both?
6:00am: I'm not feeling well - is it allergies or a cold? Regardless, BH lets me sleep in and gets up with HD. He doesn't only do this when I don't feel well.
7:30am: I scramble out of bed (been half-awake for a while) to the sound of HD screaming. He's taken to tumbling over and banging his head quite a bit this week (See 3:30am), including one trip to the pediatrician on Monday after a particularly scary fall, lump, and *different* sounding crying.
8:00am: Again, BH comes through, staying home for a few more minutes so I can shower, and he puts HD down for an early nap after feeding him breakfast. I panic that the early nap will throw him/me off for the rest of the day. Maybe I need to practice the Secret more.
9:00am: HD begins two-hour confusion session - confusion for me, confusion for him, sadness for both, playing, falling, not sleeping, both of us unsettled and tired and not feeling our best. On phone with friend who has just returned to work this week and put baby in daycare. I'm jealous and glad to be home at the same time. HD climbs to headboard and starts grinding his teeth on it. Tell her to "listen to HD grind away" and then see white paint flecks in and around his mouth. He's stripping the headboard. Bye to friend. To sink with HD, my fingers in his mouth, scooping out white flecks and flushing with water. He is annoyed with me, but tolerating my invasive behavior. Quick call to poison control: "Should be fine since the bed is pretty new. The paint shouldn't have lead in it." I pretend not to know that the bed was made in China. Wonder if Poison Control logs my calls? Does it say this is the third time I've called in nine months? Will DSS be here soon?
11:00am: One hour nap for HD. I have no idea what I did during this time, likely email, some laundry, eating, paralyzed by the free time and not knowing when it will end.
12:00pm: Lunch for HD.
12:30pm: Pack up for trip to post office. Quickly obsess about which bag to bring, which stroller, carrier, form of transportation to take.
1:00pm: Bus to post office. Meet up with friend and her baby. Day looking up with happy baby, happy mommy, nice weather, feeling better, someone to talk to...someone I like. Lunch for me (grilled cheese, my ultimate comfort food), long walk with friend capped off with sleeping baby.
6:00pm: Drop BH off at train for overnight business trip. Blow tire on highway on way back home. Wait for state trooper. Nervous that we'll get hit. Keep HD in carseat in car even though he's not happy because I think it's the safest place for him to be. Give him teddy bear that we were bringing to Goodwill that still had the tag on it to keep him busy while I talk to trooper and tow truck guy who actually changes the tire so I don't need to be towed. Bring the car to the shop. See mutilated tag on teddy bear, part of which has surely been ingested, and walk home with HD. Decide that calling Poison Control twice in one day isn't a good idea necessary.
8:00pm: HD has been fed, bathed, and put down with little fuss. He reminds me that he is my angel. I am too tired to do the things I want to do like read, write, and change the world. Instead, I indulge in Wife Swap and a phone call with my sister.
10:30pm: Sleep begins to take over....
11:00pm: HD is up and screaming. Repeat of last night's performance (see 3:30am). I medicate him, obsess about whether he is in pain and what kind (teeth, tummy), needs me regardless, needs more sleep training (for my sake). Eventually decide to keep him in bed with me. We sleep, but it's not our best. We both miss BH.
Every day is different and the same. And even the bad days are good. I love him so much it hurts sometimes.
[[Hugs]]
Posted by: Emily | August 21, 2008 at 01:35 PM